Sir, if you were my husband, I would poison your drink.
--Lady Astor to Winston Churchill
Madam, if you were
my wife, I would drink it.
I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in
the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
The problem with some people
is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
--William Butler Yeats
An intelligent man is sometimes forced
to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk.
That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor
without holding on.
Drunk is feeling sophisticated when you can't say it.
No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink.
is never wasted when you're wasted all the time.
Abstainer: a weak person who yields
to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
Reality is an illusion that occurs due to
lack of alcohol.
I never drink anything stronger than gin before breakfast.
drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork
to my lunch?
Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder.
had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
Work is the curse of the drinking
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
24 hours in a day,
24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall
asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk, and go
-- Brian O'Rourke
You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline-it helps
if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
He was a wise man who invented beer.
Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be
If you ever reach total enlightenment while drinking beer, I bet it makes beer
shoot out your nose.
--Deep Thought, Jack Handy
Without question, the greatest invention in the history of
mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
Why is American beer served cold? So you can tell it from urine.
Give me a woman
who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
I would kill everyone in this room for a drop
of sweet beer.
Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for
example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
I drink to make other
--George Jean Nathan
All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me -
let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
I drink when I have occasion, and sometimes when I have no occasion.
-- Miguel de Cervantes in Don Quixote
is not a good cocktail-party drink, especially in a home where you don't know where the bathroom is.
-- Billy Carter
No bar too far.
-- Bill Saluski
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